There is a famous ‘prayer’ in the novel Dune by Frank Herbert, called the Bene Gesserit ‘Litany Against Fear’. When I first read the book as a teenager, this passage stuck with me — as I think it does with a lot of people. Here’s how one version of it goes:
‘I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will allow my fear to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone I will turn my inner eye to see its path. And where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.’
Recently, I came to realize that I had always been focused on the first part: the parts about the mind-killer, the little-death that brings total obliteration. In other words, What My Fear Can Do To Me took precedence over all the rest.
My epiphany was that the second part was actually the important bit — it’s the What I Do With My Fear and How I React To Having Fear that’s important. By facing it, you gain an insight into yourself — you see its path through you. The fear will pass, leaving you whole.
Particularly striking to me as I write this now is that very first sentence: ‘I must not fear.’ That is the only place in the passage that uses ‘fear’ as a verb — every other instance is as a noun, either subject or object, literally objectifying fear. What this tells me is that, rather than being out of place with the rest and trying to deny you your fear, it is actually saying something like ‘Don’t be a participant in the fear. It is not you. Let it pass.’
What does this all have to with eating fruits and vegetables?
Well, of course at first glance, there is the idea of my fear of eating fruits or vegetables over the years — a fear I am facing here in The Grown Diaries.
But more deeply is what I’m actually doing: by facing this fear, I receive insight into myself. I am objectifying these foods to a certain extent, by taking the time to deliberately describe how they taste, how they smell, what they look like, where they come from, the history of the food. And what my reaction is to them.
And after this process has gone on long enough?
Only I will remain.